


Still Beautiful. Still Dean Winchester

by em_merp



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cas does still die, Dean And Cas through the years, M/M, but thats not shown here, no betas we die like men, sorry boys this one isn't a fix-it, this is inspired by script release today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/em_merp/pseuds/em_merp
Summary: Snippets of time, throughout the years, when Castiel has known that Dean Winchester is beautiful.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Still Beautiful. Still Dean Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> The 15.18 script came out today and I'm on a rampage.

He’s torturing souls in hell, but he’s still beautiful.

He’s asking Cas to betray heaven, and he is Beautiful.

(He’s sending Cas to his death, and he’s still beautiful. He’s so beautiful it hurts to look at him, but Cas looks anyways, but Dean doesn’t look at him. Dean hasn’t seen him in years.)

He’s angry at him, angry for betraying him, angry for Crowley and Sam’s Soul, leaving Cas behind in the holy fire and he is still beautiful.

Cas is god, and Dean is beautiful - but it doesn’t matter anymore. Dean Winchester is no longer the point Castiel’s universe orbits around.

Dean Winchester is the point Castiel’s universe orbits around, and he’s beautiful, and Castiel is saying goodbye.

Emmanuel is glad to help everyone who asks, but this man is the first he is excited to help. He thinks this man deserves happiness, and he wants to see how beautiful he is when he lights up.

He remembers Dean’s soul, and it is beautiful.

Meg is thorny beauty, and Dean is pure beauty. Cas knows he deserves thorns over purity.

Dean is a killer in purgatory, and he is still beautiful, no matter the company he keeps.

Cas kills the first Dean, and it carves at grace when he sees Dean hit the floor dead. He is still beautiful, still Dean Winchester as he fights, each copy wanting to live.

When Castiel kills the 1000th Dean Winchester, he feels nothing.

Cas says goodbye to Dean, maybe forever, and looks at him in his beauty, for what he thinks is the last time.

It’s not the last time, and Cas dies to find him again. He wakes up, and Dean yells at him, and he is beautiful - Cas wishes he could see his soul again.

Dean Winchester, the piece of humanity Cas donned the flag of heaven for, is dead, and Cas can’t feel the way his soul had always reached for him anymore - the pain is so harsh it feels beautiful, the way Dean is, the way he should be. But Dean Winchester is dead.

He lets Dean hurt him - thrown over a table, crashed to the ground, and he only asks him to stop. He’s so beautiful it hurts to look at him, but Cas looks anyways, but Dean doesn’t look at him. He’s still beautiful.

He does not want Cas - Cas is not the cosmic entity he has chosen. He knows why - Castiel is only a burden.

Cas is only a burden, and the only weapon he has is himself. He knows that Lucifer cannot make him any uglier than he already is. He dreams of Dean’s soul, and he is still beautiful.

Dean is not dead, he is alive, with his mother, and he is alive, and he is still beautiful.

Castiel loves him, and as he chokes on his own rot he prays, to anyone, to everyone, “He is beautiful.”

He listens to the tape, and imagines. He imagines Dean singing to these songs, laughing to these songs, loving to these songs. His hands tighten on the wheel, and he feels something rise in his body and get caught in his throat as realizes that these songs know what it is to be loved by Dean Winchester, when he does not. In all that he imagines, he is still beautiful.

He gives the tape back, because he knows he is only allowed to keep Dean in his memories. The tape is never taken from him, and he entertains the fantasy that maybe, in some way, Dean could love him to. The thought pleases him, and knows Dean will always be beautiful, no matter how he feels.

Kelly’s child, he knows, will make the world a place beautiful enough for Dean to live happily. He can’t wait for these two to meet. He knows they are beautiful, knows it in his bones.

He dies, looking into Dean’s face, and he holds onto that image as long as he can. (He is sti-)

_ I know who you love _ , the Empty says.  _ There is nothing for you there. _

Maybe, Cas thinks, but he’s too beautiful to not try.

He, with his cowboy hat, and his cowboy obsession, is an idiot. He is still beautiful, as he adjusts Cas’ own hat.

Dean’s body is no longer his own. He speaks with a foreign tongue, and Cas cannot find Dean’s soul when he looks at the Michael Sword. Dean is not Dean, and Michael does not change the one fact that Castiel has always been certain of. He is still beautiful.

He’s dropping himself in the ocean. Even in his stupidity, his godforsaken devotion to martyrdom, he is still beautiful. Sometimes Cas hates him for it.

Castiel will die when he is truly happy. But his true happiness will never smile back to him, and Castiel knows that while one can feel at peace, in awe of the Sistine Chapel, of the Egyptian Pyramids, of the cave paintings of early humans, of Dean Winchester, true happiness can’t be reached, knowing they will never be in awe with, at peace because of you, even though they are still beautiful. Still the Sistine Chapel, still the Egyptian Pyramids, still cave paintings of early humans, still Dean Winchester.

Sam is at war with himself, remembering all his failures, the times he didn’t save the people in his charge, and Cas wants nothing but peace for him. He wants nothing but peace for his son, fighting for his soul. He wants nothing but peace for Dean. He doesn’t think of what he wants for himself, as he traces the edges of Dean’s soul with his eyes. He’s still beautiful.

Mary is dead. His son is next. Cas is pulled apart by strings of the universe, but he only focuses on Dean. He can’t - it’s too much to look at the abomination. Dean is still beautiful, even as he won’t meet his eyes. Cas tries to look at the grass on suburban lawns to replicate it, but it’s not the same.

This is what Dean, the Righteous Man was made for - Righteous anger. He is still beautiful, even as Cas turns away.

_ You asked what about all this is real - we are _ . It almost doesn’t feel like enough - but Dean is. He is still beautiful.

Lost in Purgatory, he feels Dean’s voice, his soul, call out to him. He falls to his knees, and weeps. He crawls into the hollow of a tree and prays, “You are still beautiful. You are still loved,” and dreams of being heard.

Death is chasing them through the bunker, and Dean can barely walk, pain dripping out right from the heart. There is no warding, no way to keep Death out, no way to save Dean, who deserves everything Cas can give, everything God himself can give. Except -

  
  
  


_ He looks down at his bloody palm, then back at Dean. His face is drawn, drained of hope. _ **_But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I really hope you liked it! Come talk to me at compromisedandconfused on tumblr! :)


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